Change Your Labels and Dress for Success

Feb 27

Topics Covered: Self Worth, Boundaries, Public Speaking, Manifestation, Goals, Interview Skills, Negotiating, Power Dynamics, Confidence, Purpose, Education

Change your labels? Sounds good! That’s comes in handy when you’ve been zigging though everyone thinks you’re zagging. Some labels you can embrace, the others you can send to the compost! Cause energy doesn’t go away, so make it work for you. How do you define yourself? And what will you make of that self-identity??

Why Attend?? - The last time I attended an event at this location/business, I left having my life changed hahahaha. They had a workshop on “giving pitches” that was SOOO good that literally I think of that advice every SINGLE TIME I pitch SO MUCH of what I say, even in basic conversations hahaha. Maybe I’ll tell the advice down below. But yeah. After having such a great experience at their last event, I was definitely interested in this one. If you’re a real one, you know 2025 has been (for me) all about thriving in authenticity… being a bit more brave - but also aware and in tune to my intuition. It’s like learning the language of myself hahah, you know? So… I felt like this title of the event sounded right in line with that goal: choose my labels!! Also I liked the TJ Maxx label pun thrown in there. You know, smoke ‘em if you gott’em and if you’re gonna do product placement, at least be self-aware and cheesy hahaha.

Event Ratings - Venue (5/5), Food (4.5/5), Speaker Content (5/5), Networking (4/5), Likeliness to Return (5/5)… (more below)

Photo Collage & Commentary:

Notes from the Event:

Arrival:

My travel there was great!! This location is super easy to get to by the subway, but it just isn’t always easy to get to places super early when I have to drop off my daughter at daycare ahead of time (and take public transit). I don’t like to have stressful mornings… she’s not even 3!! So I almost never “rush” the mornings… and then the transit it AMAZING, but still it takes about 5 minutes to get there.
I received an email from them on my way there that was like, ‘we see everyone is running late, but still come here’ lol. And then the day before we got an email asking to arrive at least 15/30 minutes early so we can start on time… but for me, I can’t get there that early without really making things tough. I don’t want to do that for something like this, instead I ended up 15 minutes late.
- I gave them that feedback, as well… I think if they’d had this meeting just a little later more than 50% of the people would have showed up. But I think that about 40% of the people showed up who signed up, from what they said. It made them feel bad, but… IMO it just depends on their perspective, they got 12 people to attend this event (i’d guess) which is more than some events I’ve attended.
- Plus it was a free event, and sometimes when you don’t pay, you don’t commit and backout last minute. It’s funny how you’d think ‘free’ would attract more.. but I think if it’d been $5 to attend, more people would have shown up.
So even though I arrived a little late, I only missed “the introduction” which was talking about how we don’t need to accept labels others give us. Let’s begin!

Presentation & Notes:

Narratives we carry: Usually others’ labels of you are inaccurate or unfavorable. Do you accept them?

Your should may have wounds that pass down for generations. It’s a skewed perception of ourselves that goes generations deep.
Others may view us ‘wrong’ and want us to conform to their version of ‘right’.

But, no... that goes to the compost
Personal, institutional, societal, internalized.

These are projections of someone else’s concept of us and it distances us from the truth of who we are.
“Words Matter. When a little girl is called bossy while she leads, it’s telling her to be quiet. I don’t want girls to be quiet. I want them to roar!

Hahah. This quote makes me think of my daughter. She loves the Mufasa movie now and is roaring all the time.

Women are given labels in their family:

Assertive, independent, men are good for one thing and besides that get out of the door

This tells me that my male counterpart isn’t of value

Fragility
Substance abuse
Distancing

Have you had to teach yourself a lot of things? Maybe you don’t ask for help?
We are taught that it’s good to be independent, do it all on your own… but human nature is to need each other.

It’s nice to not always have to be super strong and get everything done all the time.
“I am not your superwoman”

Parent’s weren’t home a lot of the time. Their focus was always taking care of others and impressing others.
Grandparents will expect a second degree of behavior from you, or a third degree from your child (where do you get this knowledge from)
- When you’re around them, it’s like every thing you do is wrong in their eyes.
Taught to learn how different groups can teach you different things… so a mix of peopel can teach you many things

When you return to your “family” they may be so confused and not “get you”
But… the world is teaching you

Teach to be independent, work for yourself

Teach yourself multiple things so you’re not stuck in one area.

Be careful for folks. “Ask for help but be carful who you ask for for help.”
-This reminds me of the advice: ABQ, always be qualifying.

SELF CARE

Grounding soothing, take care of yourself
“What is that? I like to help other people. I’m a caregiver.”
TAKE WHAT WORKS FOR YOU AND COMPOST THE REST.
Your spirit will eventually force you to sit down

Vulnerabiltiy: a superpower

When you mirror what you’re trying to share, teach, and help people heal through, then I have that much more impact.
If I want to call and talk to someone… it doesn’t feel right trying to vent to them. I don’t think they want to listen or even care.

Family can tell you how they want you to live your life. But everyone lives different.

Simply saying “thing are going great” works!! And it’s not a lie, failure is the way to success.
Who is assessing you? Do you want to be their version of a 10/10

One of the women here was raised as an orphan, took in as an infant by someoen in their early 70’s
- There’s always a culture of her teaching, learning with peers… and then nothing.
- Constantly “who are you? We don’t want you around”
- Taught to grow and be in community, but be careful

Dress for Success gives tools for employment, education, and networking. Proud member.

Girls Labels: pretty, cute, sweet
Boy Labels: smart, clever, tough

Be mindful with peers and everyone around us that we are not limiting people with labels - on ourselves or on others.

What does it mean to do something like a girl or like a boy?

They’re labels being projected through culture, family, and culture.
Feel pressure to change how you speak or act when looking for a job.

Sometimes people we are family with just break and break into boundaries and don’t stop. You must set boundaries.

Drinking involved, too.
Talk to yourself.

We were told to enter the professional world as men do, never invited as women. As women we have unique needs, experiences, and backgrounds that we’re not allowed to share because it makes men uncomfortable.

- How do you show up in an authentic way as women professionally and change the tide?

Get women in to more leadership positions… but they want you to show up as a man
Get into a leadership position as yourself.
People who don’t know how to navigate their own emotions get frozen in fear.

When you’re younger you may feel forced to assimilate… but you realize what do you have to do to be successful and independent enough that you don’t have to be fully dependent or conform to someone else’s level of you. How can not need to depend on everyone else?

Our thresholds are different. What does that look like?

BEING AUTHENTIC YOURSELF

What does it mean to show up and be yourself?

Show up as yourself… the opportunities and spaces that you need will show up.
I am me. I don’t want to be like everyone else. I don’t pretend to be like everyone else. I don’t change who I am just to “fit in”.
The things I embrace in myself and celebrate, others celebrate too
Expectation to be nurturing, a work wife, voluntold, take care of things, bossy, condescending,

To be in a relationship with me, we have this agreement. To be an employer of choice (turnover is crazy now’adays)

Some companies are purging

They don’t want to pay people their worth
Fire you and let someone else start again to relearn

Some employees want to quit

Burnout
Treat your staff better and create a culture where your staff can be seen, thrive, and show up as their full selves
How can you prevent this?

We’re frequently taught to play small as women. (Apologizing for speaking too much, stop it! Don’t apologize for existing. There is a particular magic you bring that no one else does.
When an employer or someone else doesn’t appreciate you, it’s okay!! Someone else will appreciate you, and the place you left will feel the loss of the magic. It happens and it happens consistently.

Own whatever your inner magic is. Ground yourself in that. You have it. You are a unique magical being that has something to offer.

- How do we keep thing and work it into leadership: I’m part of an equity diversity group and they dont’ appreciate my magic, so I’m quitting in a few days.

- I leave a legacy, I say the quiet part out loud

I know that when I do that, I am sewing seeds of healing.
I am the person that consistently open, challenge, and has courageous conversations: everyone witness to that can’t unknow it

The legacy I left is to say the quiet part out loud. Challenge what’s not being acknowledged. Normalize it wherever. People will say, “finally, someone has said that.” Even if you can’t make the change, you can sew the seed that will lead to change.

Lead by example.
The proof is in the pudding.
I’m still standing here, showing up, and having impact. People see that. Lead by example.

Then they don’t have a leg to stand on when they come at you again.

“Corporate America would fire me in the first 30 days”
One family member is corporate as heck. He doesn’t understand how his younger brother can’t thrive in the corporate world. You know hat needs to be done, just do it.

That’s your truth, your reality, not mine.

Composting = energy isn’t created or destroyed. What doesn’t serve you, put it to the compost, to manifest what you truly want.

The past year and eight months, I lost my oldest child. One of the attendees shares this.

Any time of the day, anything reminds me of him. My oldest, we spoke every day. He was my supporter
Trying to be me, get a job, and raise my other children.
Grief is a lifelong journey and why are emotions a bad thing?
What’s the path forward for this version of you? The other version is gone. You’ll never unknow the loss

LET ME SAY: this is a spectacular charity with a fantastic staff and just such a good vibe. I want to come here all the time.

How do others perceive us personally or professionally?

What are you feeling in your body?
What narrative or message sensations?

Does the narrative serve you? Compost? (And then what?)
What I can not my higher power can. Anything I need to compost I write on a sticky note and put it in there.
(That’s a great idea!!! TO do this literally!!!)

I am my best work: a series or maps, prayers, work, and achievements from my front line.

How do labels and narratives show up via your inner critic?

Is it cheerleading or just being a pest?
I feel like I need to sell people on things?
How do you engage different?
The inner critic says that you’re not enough, you messed up again - you should have done it different?

“They don’t know any better” - if it was a narrative or label, I somehow respected that they’re working at their best, they’re picking that label.

They have the right to think or feel whatever they want
Respect it, they have the right, and the boundary of this relationship is such as…

It’s a two way street, if we’re in a relationship where I can respect the different of opinion (though not in alignment with mine) do I get it back?

Speaking up a lot often is not acceptable. Just follow the rules of what you should or should not do…

Then sometimes speaking up does get me in trouble, so I realize I say the wrong thing and I withdraw and silence myself
So I didn’t realize till this that maybe I experience this and do it.
Is it my communication skills needing to be improved or is it just the voice in me, how I’m reacting?

Turns self fulfilling

LIST OF MANTRAS to contradict the common feelings you have

When the critic shows up, make it reinforce the identity of yourself. The truth you know you need.
The critic is ultraviolet, popping up before you can react. Learn to counter it.
Learn to reprogram

Example: my solution is tequila in my mind (I come from a family of functioning alcoholics)

My body says, “I want to cope, this is a way to cope”
But (joke) then I make a list of the other things… make “TEQUILA” stand for
T = Time Alone
E = Exercise
Q = Quiet Place

Tell yourself OFTEN and then that you’re smart, important. Believe it.

You can learn things even if you don’t know everything about everything

For some reason we love negativity

What’s the psychology to believe the negative instead of the positive???

What was the entire energy of the room?

Check in with everyone… there’s a good chance it resonated with most of the people, just not the leader
Did it hit too much truth home for that particular person

A hit dog is gonna holler

Raise the way you treat yourself

You’d never allow someone to abuse you as much as you’d abuse yourself. You wouldn’t stay friends with them.
The more you can work on taking care of and loving yourself, the less you can fall.

Label the rooms, label things and intentions with post it’s: little reminders that you are beautiful, strong, you got this

Life triggers of us negatives all the time, so trigger yourself with positives.
Vision board, track it… ready for love
Manifest and take ownership of the labels we want. Manifest the jobs and worlds to allow us to thrive.
- Dress for success coworking.
Look at your week at the beginning and write down things you want to do and do it - then you’re like, heck yeah!! Look at all I’ve achieved. Celebrate.
- EVERY DAY “to do” list
BRAIN SCIENCE: your brain can only hold 5-7 priorities in any moment in time cause it’s also controlling your bodily functions

Cross them out
Prioritize your people
Inner circle, outer circle, everyone else

How we look impacts and informs the labels people put on us. It distorts what they think we are capable of. And sometimes what we think we are capable of.

How do we deal with negative labels and replace them with something that honors the truth of myself?

“If I didnt’ define myself for myself I would be crushed into other people’s fantasies and eaten alive”

There’s a quote… but I don’t like the quote.

Look like a girl,

Act like a lady

Think like a man

Work like a boss

I want

Look like a hippie,

(she said she likes to dress like a hippie because it makes people feel more open. she will wear different outfits for different situations and goals.)

Act like me,

Don’t think I need to think like a man,

Work like a magical unicorn.

Even different cultures have different ideas of a “lady”
How can women support each other for using their true voices in teh workplace?
- Mentoring
- Trauma responsive supervision
- Employees don’t often come with fresh experience

They come with prior work trauma.
We need to create a good relationship that helps to support them in ways that they can thrive and then it feeds the organization thriving.

How you see yourself means everything.

Age puts labels onto us.

No matter what you do for some people will never be good enough: is that your problem or theirs.
Healing means being able to sit comfortably in yourself. It will feel awkward, but the more you do it, the more you realize you’re rocking it.

Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. - Maya Angelou

“You’re only successful if ______”
No way!! Maybe you’re successful.

Almost every time that things don’t work out, I feel like a failure - but then I realize they were just spaces that didn’t allow me to thrive.

The journey isn’t to become anything, just to un-become who isn’t you and become who you were meant to be in teh first place
I realized that I can be my own friend.

Every day, say what you’re proud of, grateful for, and manifesting

This event was really incredible. I want to return to more of their events and get to know this community better. It seems really heartfelt from the two events I’ve been to. Like tehy literally help and impact women’s lives. More than a lot of resources. It was super approachable and kinda this middle ground. Fashion, clothes, TJMaxx hahaha. It works so well for their brand.

FINAL EVENT REVIEWS:

Venue: 5/5

Allow me to Elaborate - this place is in a great location and inside is fantastic time 100. It just has a great feel and vibe and setup. You feel like you’re just hanging out inside your friends huge closet, it’s like elementary school or middle school hahah. Just like chatting about life.

Food: 4.5/5 -

Allow me to Elaborate - This event was free, so anything is above and beyond. They gave water, they gave a cookie at the end (of course, could have been healthier, but—) also they give you $10 cash for attending!! It’s like, go buy something healthy and be quiet hahah. Really this place/chartiy/community is really amazing and thoughtful haha.

Speaker Content: 5/5 -

Allow me to Elaborate: I recently heard the quote ‘the best speaker is a good listener’ - I mean, boom! Exactly. She did the best job letting everyone talk and getting too many takeaways from this. I felt like we could have gone on a one week/year retreat together hahaha. This was a really special time and this speaker was very good at coaching and helping us all learn and feel great.

Networking: 4/5 -

Room for Improvement: Everyone shared, but it wasn’t SOOO much like “networking” as much as “relating”. There was no intention to share contact after or try to work teogehr on future things, though you would probably see each other again at future events - which they have a lot of coming up. But it was an extremely welcoming environment and it felt like talking with a community you’d known a while. IDK hahah. It’s like a magical place!!

Likeliness to Return - 5/5 -

Allow me to Elaborate: duh!! I’m totally loving this company and their mission and the two events they’ve provided so far. The last one was so helpful and impactful and I thought if it nonstop and still do to this day… so I think this second one they just had now will be similar and just ring in my ears - in a good way - for a long time. All of tehse amazing takeaways.

Until next time, I wish you the motivation and success to search for opportunities around your area. Search and explore: Who is out there giving talks? There are new things happening all of the time.

Find relatable or interesting topics you like and check them out! Maybe even something hosted at a cool venue, if there’s no other reason to go. Let’s see what you can learn and discover not too far from home. 😊

Kelly Kirk